So, where was I? It's been a minute since I blogged and I'm attempting to keep this in a somewhat chronological order. (If I dare call it that). My apologies each post starts with my disclaimers. It will get better as we go.
My hubby just really threw me for a loop. He's always been a crossdresser and now, he tells me he is transsexual. Mind you… not transgendered, transSEXUAL. What exactly, is THAT supposed to mean? Why are we playing semantics and what about my “crossdressing” husband? He would sometimes be my she but then return to my husband? Where were they? Why can’t we just leave things the way they are. Why all the change up? And more good news for me, she is going to have breast implants. WHAAaaa... When he told me that, I stopped. Right there. BLAM. All my life flashed before my eyes….
Huh?I’m not who I thought I’ve been all these years. Exactly!! Then, who the hell am I? I’ve been duped. It was all a set-up.
I had some thinking to do now. The thoughts in my head were racing, as they often do when he’s throwing curve balls at me. It sounded something like, “OK…. He's going to get some boobies. Hmmmm. OK…
I like Boobies… Wait… no, No, NO. What about….? What about what? What about... the people. What will “everyone” think?… Who is “everyone”? Who are the PEOPLE? I’ll tell ya who the people are, the kids, the family, the neighbors, the crossing guard, the police, the military guys, the President! And what about Michelle and the Girls? Not to mention all the BOYS in the US. That inner voice of mine was getting louder with each sentence. At this point, it was pounding, screaming in my head. I foresaw exactly where I was going with this. I could hear every hypocritical statement and contradiction I was posing to myself. Am I a hypocrite? I shall see, once I uncover all these layers here to get to the bottom of it. “I don't care what people think”. I’ve always said that. Out loud, too. Let’s look at that closer. Do I? or Do I? Again, I must ponder this a little more. You know what, I guess maybe I do care what people think. That’s crazy. I taught my children to be whomever they wanted, dress how they wanted, say what was true and be true to themselves. Am I really real?
When something hits you to the core of your person, am I real or do I stand on what I can define with my words and wrap my mind around whatever it is to fit into what I have been taught and our society dictates is “right” and “wrong” behavior for the genitalia we were born with.
What he had explained to me, many years ago, about what it was to be a crossdresser was that…he was a bi-sexual man who liked to wear womens clothing for the sexual turn on. When dressed, he likes to have the attentions and affections of a man. So where does that leave me?
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