COMPROMISE OR CONCEDE?

COMPROMISE or CONCEDE?

As life goes.....it's a give and take thing, isn't it?  NOW,  Add crossdressing.....then.....marraige.

Whoever you are and whatever you do, do we have to compromise (that is, to give up a part of ourselves) to be together or can we be together and have it all?  We can have it all, if we acknowledge each other then.....Concede to the obvious.....Each

Other!  Would that make us happy?  Well, damn, I think it may be worth a try.

COMPROMISE... (DEFINITION from Wikipedia)

To compromise is to make a deal between different parties where each party gives up part of their demand. In arguments, compromise is a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desire.

In human relationships, "compromise" is frequently said to be an agreement with which no party is happy because the parties involved often feel that they either gave away too much or that they received too little.^[1]




I like the definition "in human relationships" because, where the crossdresser is concerned, (at least MY crossdresser), I believe, he often feels he has compromised all his life therefore, he does not have to continue to compromise.  He's done all the compromising he can do and now, will not "settle" for anything less than what he wants, which is to is to crossdress whenever and wherever he wants.  I don't blame him, compromise SUCKS!

I know it sucks because I have compromised my life for this man/woman so he could crossdress.  It wasn't just the crossdressing, that was only at the surface of it.  I knew this person I had fallen in love with was so much more than what I saw. Don't take that the wrong way because it has been MY willing doing (is that grammatically correct?  idk) that I compromised.  I did it for love (and maybe a bit of lust, hahaha, ya'll know what I'm talkin' 'bout).  I love them both, completely.  I, too, am at the point where I don't think I should have to compromise either.  I want everything I want too.  And.....compromising HAS SUCKED!  As wives and mothers in general, I think we all know about compromising.  I swear, it must be in a woman's genetics or something.  It has just been a part of me to give and give and give without expecting anything in return.   I tell ya, I sure do love me!

Compromise may be ok for some but if you can find your way concede to each other, I believe it will be in both parties best interest.  There have been concessions throughout my marraige and, let met tell you what bitches, he got the best vacations.  In hindsight, if I had done conceding, I don't think I would have lost so much of myself as I have using the compromise method.  After all, we all deserve happiness, love, laughter, joy, and the freedom to be who we truly are.  Right?  Yea, I already know, I am right.

Now comes the questions:  Can I have what I want at this point in my life?  Only time will tell.  I believe the ball is in his court.  I've already proven I can concede and compromise.  He says he's compromised his whole life so, he doesn't have to do anything else at this point besides be whatever and whoever he wants.  So, can he have what he wants at this point in his life?  If you ask him, he only can have what he wants now if he gets rid of me!  He tells me so.  That's how I know.   What the F*ck!  Who in the HELL does he think he married?  Talk to me!  Your needs have always been met., have they not?  And if not, why don't I know???? You should have been telling me what was going on with you.  I have always listened and done what I was able to, at the time, to accomodate you.

I could start tooting my own horn here and tell you all the things I have done to help them be a complete person but I won't.  (Not just yet), anyway.  Besides that, I'm just your average bitch-in-yo-face type gal.  I say what I want and what I think when I want.  Alot of times, hastily, right as I think it.

You see, I knew about "her" before I got married so, these days, I am being told, "I should have known."  and " What did I expect?" and "We had an agreement." In my opinion, knowing this is passive-agressive manipulation, this is just another attempt to "blame" me for his behavior.  Lemme tell ya, his behavior is not that out of control.  From the little I have read, and the lifetime I have experienced, he is a normal crossdresser.  Just your average, run of the mill dude, who is exceptionally gorgeous thus making me exceptionally jealous.  (That will be another post)!

In order for any relationship (whether you are with a crossdresser, straight or whomever, I think this applies to all) to endure through the ages, as we have (so far), there has to be open, honest communication, compromise sometimes, and all out concessions by each party.   Be prepared to concede and be conceded to. Both side are so worthy of the rewards.

So, what's the difference?  I always hear that it's a compromise that's needed.  Is it, really?

Concession may refer to: (WIKIPEDIA)

• Concession (contract) (sometimes called a concession agreement): a contractual right to carry on a certain kind of business or activity in an area, such as to explore or develop its natural resources or to operate a "concession stand" within a venue

And, in the case of the normal crossdresser that is going out in public with or without their partner, concern for how it will affect his spouse.

CONCERN: (Dictionary.com)

verb (used with object)

1.

to relate to; be connected with; be of interest or importance to; affect:
Is he really connected with me?  Am I of interest or importance to him?  Do I have any affect on him?

2.

to interest or engage (used reflexively or in the passive, often followed by with or in):  I concern myself with every aspect of his needs as a crossdresser.  Am I meeting them?  Is he happy?  Is he interested in me?

3.

to trouble, worry, or disquiet:  Have I lost him?  I am worried about his emotional well being.  I am concerned about his health.  I am concerned about MY emotional well being.  What about me?  I'm falling apart.  Have I come this far to be dismissed with the servants?

noun

4.

something that relates or pertains to a person; business; affair:

Crossdressing relates to the crossdresser and the crossdressers wife!

5.

a matter that engages a person's attention, interest, or care, or that affects a person's welfare or happiness:  Has his "en femme" self kept his attention and interest.  What about my happiness?  Does he show me any of that attention?  Is he still interested in me or is it only her?

6.

worry, solicitude, or anxiety:  Does he have any concern for how his dressing may or may not hurt me.  Am I in trouble because of his dressing?  Does it cause me anxiety?  Should I tell him about my anxiety or would that just be burdening him more?  After all, he has enough to deal with with "her:.

7.

important relation or bearing:  Am I important to him or is it only "her" he has concern for?  Is it only "her" he cares about?

For any wife, girlfriend or partner that is trying to cope with the crossdressing man, be patient, give him some time to open up to you and let you into his world, you never know what you may find. 

For me, I ask myself all the above questions I posed.  Somewhere along the way, we had a communication breakdown and are now trying to splice the wires back together.  I have to take it slow with him, not piling on too much for him to have to answer to me.

I'm pretty determined to make this work.  I would be giving up a lifetime to leave and start over so, I struggle everyday to accept and understand.