How Am I Supposed To Do This?

How am I supposed to do this?  How is a wife supposed to feel?  Her man tells her, I'm gonna be dressing and taking video and pictures tonight, with or without you.  She decides to dress tonight, asks me if I will join then, right away, turns her back before I even have a chance to answer.  She gets dressed, changes attitude and here we go, it's on.

First, she positions herself across from me with her back to me, making sure she has a mirror to look into.  OK, fine. Narcissit.


Second, she starts calling me "hun".  Ugh.  That's not what she calls me when she likes me.  When she says it, she's got this little smirk on her face with a bit of an evil eye.
Then, she starts getting into the closet, rummaging through as though she's lost something.  Well, you know me, I gotta ask, "What are you looking for?"  She replies, "My hairbrush, have you seen it?"  I tell her, "No."  She closes the closet.
Next, she goes in the bathroom, stays in there for the next twenty minutes, opening and closing drawers, banging the toilet seat, running the sink water then comes out, leaves the door opened, the seat up and doesn't flush.  With her long slender legs, she struts herself past me into the living room.  She's got her electric razor with her now.  She sits on the couch, crosses her legs, making sure I get the thigh shot, farts, then begins to  shave her face.

Everything she says to me is a cut down, slashing me with each remark.  She looks at the TV and immediately says, "oooh, check out her body".  I pause.  How am I supposed to take that?  I look at her and there's  the smirk again.  I thought maybe it was her trying to make girl  talk but, no, it was a put down.  Rather than tell me what parts of my body are unacceptable to her, she shows me a body that's acceptable to her.  It's usually someone with her frame and stature, which I will never have even if I work it out.   How I see it, I'm being told my body isn't what she thinks is a good body.   Shut Up!!!  (No, I haven't said it out loud to her.....yet.)

Shaving is over, she sets the razor on the couch next to her.  Takes up her sitting up, crossed leg stance towards me.  Uh Oh, Here comes another verbal shot, I'm thinking.  "Do we have WIFI right now?"  "No", I tell her.  "Why not?!", she says with a disturbed tone in her voice.   I explain how we aren't close enough to signal and she starts demanding we move closer,..... now!  I'm working and want to finish up but she don't care.  It's supposed to be attention on deck when Angel walks in.  I don't stand at attention anymore.  It's not something that's special or exclusive anymore.  She's out and this is who she is.

She's the same person she's always been to me.  She's supposed to be the person I love but she just wants to argue and aggitate.  I ask her, "Why do you what WIFI right now?"  The smirk covers her face this time and she's got a bit of a glow about her as she says, "to find me some crossdressing friends."  That's the slam that's supposed to hurt or harm me.

I want to talk about this for just a moment.  She has straight up told me I'm boring to her and she wants friends.  I can understand that.  However, if past performance predicts future behavior, this is not a good thing.  Everytime she's had a crossdressing friend in the past, she has messed it up and gone off the deep end.  You see, there isn't any other way to say it other than just say it.  It was a sex thing.  And a certain amount happened.  All behind my back, without my knowledge.  I didn't die but a piece of my heart darkened.  Only Angel can make it shine again.

My Angel is anatomically a man therefore, thinks like a man.  Men seem to have every justification about why it wasn't sex.  His is, it has to be intercourse otherwise, they aren't having sex.  Bullshit.  And I don't call a spade a heart.  It's a spade!  A blow job is cheating, hangouts, skyping, dating websites, all that crap.  We're married.  Do you believe that?  Do you honor and respect that?  How am I supposed to take that?
I'm scared to death but I won't hold her back.  The way she's coming across is by "threatening" me she is going to go find friends.  OK.  Stop the stupidity, don't make it a threat or a punishment, go find some friends.  Hopefully, married crossdressers and their wives.  That would be cool, then we could both have some friends.  Remain true to your vows with me, to my definition, not yours.  Which mean, NO SEX!

I know first hand what the lonliness for the crossdresser is like, thinking you're weird, perverted, sick in the head somehow.  Thinking there is no one else in the world like you.  I am the WIFE of the Crossdresser and in the beginning, I felt the same.  There must be something out of whack with me, I was weird, having fallen in love with this beautiful crossdressing man.  I think alot of the feelings of isolation parallels that of the crossdresser.  Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, Wife of a Crossdresser, that's the very bottom of this tower of labels in the LGBTQ community.  It would be my presumption that we, wives, are the lowest number counted.
She's still at me and wants to go out and take photos.  I want to also but, not looking like I do right now.  I need a shower and to get ready.  I'd love to do some pictures.  I haven't done so yet because I've been taking care of HIM.  Cooking, cleaning up.  She was getting ready and I'm a day or so late, I guess.

Then.....she's ready to go.  "Well, if you aren't going to do video and pictures with me, I'm going to go do them myself".  Yep.  That cuts me right out of the picture.  Actually, I don't think I was in the picture in the first place, hahaha.  I am trying to pencil myself right into her sketch and she doesn't have two pencils.


I reiterated that I needed to get cleaned up and put my sexy on when she says, "maybe you should dress more like me then you would  be sexy."  I look over, super smirky smile this time.  OUCH!  I could blow my cork right now but I don't.
Now, do YOU think that I think my girlfriend  wants anything to do with me, let alone thinks I'm sexy.  I do believe she just said I wasn't sexy.  And I heard that!   Bitch, What?   I'm ready to take the smirk right off her face.  She thinks she knows what sexy is?  I guess so.  (Actually, I know so).  But, what the hell?  That was a super low blow.

You know what, bitch, I am ME.  You said you fell in love with ME!  Did you?  You've taught me some things about clothing and what you like to see on a woman but I am NOT YOU!  Get the hell over yourself.

I get up every single day and DRESS.  Don't ask me to dress with you, unless you gonna make it special for me.  I made it special for you for years.  Still could and would if only.....??????  WHAT!

These days when I dress up, she looks at me and compares me to her then goes to adjust his makeup or step up his clothing or shoes or something.  It's hideous comparisons.   There is no comparison.

Now she comes up with a piece of paper and pen in hand.  She starts asking me crazy questions like my dress sizes.  "What kind of porn do you like best?" then, "What size vibrator do you prefer?"  Oh My God Man - we've been married how f*ing long and you gonna ask me this shit?

It's like high school bullying all over again with the pretty girls being snooty and stand off ish while I'm just trying to fit it. The bullying thing brings up those same feelings I had back in school.  Feeling as those I'm not wanted or accepted and can never fit in anywhere.  Not likeable,..... not human.  Mean girl stuff can take a back seat.  The hate needs to stop.

I feel like I can't fit in with her.  And I definitely can't if she won't let me.
She has been talking to me for six hours and everything she says to me is mean girl crap.   Now she's wishing we had a friend on the internet so we could bounce things off them.  BOUNCE WHAT???  I'm thinking, Bounce Outta Here, Bitch.  She tells me to change into something.  I already have something on!  Is it not acceptable?  I was already asked to dress then ignored.  Change?  Like I said, I am ME!  Just let me be me.


Isn't that what the Crossdresser wants?  You just want to be yourself?  I get that.  So, how about letting me be MYself?  Is that to much to ask, for you to accept me for who I am?  Why won't you do that?  Why do I always have to be something else?

I KNOW who I am and what I am capable of and I have gone the distance and continue to run this race.  I know what it's like to be isolated.  My crossdresser swore me to secrecy at first so I never had anyone to talk to about what was happening to me.  You got somethin' to say or reveal to me about your dressing?  Say it!  Don't guess at what I'm gonna do because you have no idea.  Give the wife a shot at making her own decision on how to react with the new information you are giving her.  Don't just guess it will be an adverse reaction,  You can't put the square peg in the round hole.

If there are any wives out there who need a sounding board or just someone to talk to about their experience and struggles, feel free to contact me anytime.  Crossdressers too are encouraged to comment or ask questions, if I can be of any assistance, I will.